i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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