I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
