the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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