Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
