just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
