Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
