You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
