Please don't use social media to get back at me.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
