Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
