hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
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