I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
