he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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