Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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