I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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