if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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