3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
sex in a hospital.. check
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
