My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
