oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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