there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
