I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
