you win again, gameday.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
