Duck Duck Cougar?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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