I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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