he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
