You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
