I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
