Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
