some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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