wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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