i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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