I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
