she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
It's no shave November. This is our time.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
