and i looked up. we had an audience...
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
