dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
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