Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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