I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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