Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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