We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I need to calm my uterus...
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
