I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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