Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
