I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
