where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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