yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize