I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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