JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
