Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
