she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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