problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
you had me at cake vodka
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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