Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
