Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
