girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
