I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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