I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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