please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
