Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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