You smell like a Billy Joel song
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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