Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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