my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
