P.S. I can't hear my feet
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
