i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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