I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
