Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
