Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
