if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
