Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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