Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
