I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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