I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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