Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Randomize
