So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
