i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
