just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
