This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
