I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
