At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I love you. Go after that dick
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
