i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
