I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
