What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
