are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You may now shotgun with the bride
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
