Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
