That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
