hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
