I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
