i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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