I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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