i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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