I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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